Uddhav Joshi's Blog

So My last Post on 11 Classic Indianism was great here what I did after that post. Well Preparing for GRE and The Indian Business Language, here's the observation I have made. Hope you find it Funny and Hilarious. Do Leave A Comment Behind. The Difference between Normal Student Speaking English and GRE Student Speaking English. A NORMAL STUDENT: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles. NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim. NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold. GRE STUDENT : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous. NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted. NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rende...

The world of Information Technology (I.T.) Its very lucrative. Big bucks, Technology. It gives you a sense of rush,thrill and achievement if you dedicate your heart to it. But all this isn't a bed of Roses(not that account for the thorns in the Roses.) I.T. is challenging and cut throat. He is a reason why. Well I am a Computer Science Graduate and finally landed a good job. Pertaining to I.T., I found the following mindset being very prevalent amongst people both those who work in the I.T. and Those who take services from I.T. "If it ain't broke ain't fix it." This comes when the I.T. asks for a upgrade. "No Matter What happens the I.T. IS ALWAYS RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING"  So if you stepped in an uuuggghhhhh IT is responsible that. "No Matter what happens I.T. HAS TO GET IT DONE IN MINUTES IF NOT SECONDS." Well it is good to be optimistic about resolving a problem. But this is dangerously optimistic that too with out the consent...

Okay so here is the catch. Five months into my job, tons of email being written and read. I stumbled upon a few Indianisms. Now I am not being Racist but, We are a unique species, aren’t we? Not humans. Indians, I mean. No other race speaks or spells like we do. Understand the following para-phrase. "Do one thing ... take this piece of chalk ..." or nnnaahhh just chuck it. Take greetings for example. A friendly clerk asking me for my name is apt to start a conversation with, “What is your good name?” As if I hold that sort of information close to my heart and only divulge my evil pseudonym. Bizarre. And hence I call these Indianisms. Which got me thinking about a compilation, a greatest hits of the most hilarious Indianisms out there. And here they are. The most common ones, and my favorites among them. 1. 'Passing Out' When you complete your studies at an educational institution, you graduate from that institution. You do not "pass out...

Any Hindi movie song can be related to any situation. I remember the time when I gave presentation for my projects in my college days. Here are a few Hindi Movie Songs that fits aptly to the situation of those which I faced in my college days. I wish I could say these definitions to the invigilator. Any way here's a few for you to enjoy. 1. Local variable Jeena Yahan Marna Yahan, Iske siva Jana kaahan. 2. Global variable Musafir hoon yaaron, na ghar hai na thikana 3. Null pointers Mera jeevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya .. 4. Dangling pointers Maut bhi aati nahi jaan bhi jati nahin. 5. The debugger Jab koi baat bigad jaye Jab koi mushkil pad jaye Tum dena saath mera hamnawaz 6. From VC++ to VB Yeh haseen vaadiyan Yeh khula asmaan Aa gaye hum kahan 7. Untrackable bug -- aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi, awaaz de kahin se 8. Unexpected bug (esp. during presentation to client) Ye kya hua, Kaise hua, Kab hua, Kyon hua 9. And then to the client Jab hua...

Swami Vivekananda once said "Do Not Look Back Always Look Front" . Not that I have regrets in my life, but always wondered How and Why I landed up in Engineering. After much of delibrate thinking. I finally found a manageble hilarious explanation. One Day I met God (In my dreams of course. You see I have a very good rapport with him) He asked me “Son now that you have passed your Tenth tell me what do you want to become in your life?” I, in a very grumpy voice said “I am pretty confused on what I want to become.” He said “Think Over it Son and Tell me.” I thought for a minute and then I said. “I want a Profession which test me to my limits while I am preparing for its Exams. I want a Profession in which I am 24 x 7 busy and don’t get time To Pray, To Play, To attend my own Birthday Party, To go out with friends for a brief period of time. I want a Profession with High Returns. I want a Profession in Which I can Debate with people over what’s right and ...

I always wondered how people actually got exorbitant amount of salary. Not that they are not deserving but whenever asked upon they just say "Work goes around like it should go we don't do anything" well after much of my thinking I finally met Dilbert and he explained me something. I am sharing the Golden Nugget of Wisdom with you. Read It carefully and Do leave a Comment Behind.  :D Dilbert’s “Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives, Sales People, Accountants and especially Liberal Arts Majors.” This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known postulates: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. And As Every Engineer Knows: Power = Work / Time. Since: Knowledge = Power, then Knowledge = Work / Time, and Time = Money, then Knowledge = Work / Money. Solving for Money, we get  Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge appro...

Life is made out of the choices you make. That why they say life is what you make out of it (Not that some one though of making a Pie out of it :P ). But Life rarely gives you a seond chance or should we say makes oppurtunity to knock your door once again after it has gone. Today my dear fellas Life has made destiny and oppurtunity knock my door back only for mre to welcome it with open arms. I am Happy to announce the relaunch of my Blog on this 1st Day of January 2014. The day also happens to be my Grandfather's 75th Birthday. I ask your dear readers to support me in my new venture. Stay tuned for more interesting posts