Uddhav Joshi's Blog

So Language Brings us to gather but also Divides us. While I am Still Coping with the thought provoking,flabbergasting and at times completely dumbfounding words of anecdoes. I and My Mother always have a long discussion over the pronunciation of word with the syllable phony which make them sound alike. This also reminds me of the scene from Chupke Chupke (A Hindi Movie Block Buster from 1975) wherein Dharmendra (one of the lead actors) recites a dialog "Sir To to ho sakta hai Do do ho sakta hai toh Go Go kyun hota hai GOO Kyun nai?" Let's face it - English is a crazy language There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England . We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, gro...

5th September is Celebrated as Teachers Day All Across India in the remembrance of Dr. Sarvapalli Radha Krishnan Birthday. The day also happens to be birthday of one of my most respected teacher/ mentors and motivator Dr Anand R Tripathy. May god endow  you with best of health and a long life Sir!!! I still remember him saying "I am a Teacher By Choice not By Chance." Well I did a Bit of Search and found this interesting article to share with you all. It Dedicated to Sir's Philosophy and to him. From A School Principal's speech at a graduation.. He said "Doctor wants his child to become a doctor......... Engineer wants his child to become engineer...... Businessman wants his ward to become CEO..... BUT a teacher also wants his child to become one of them..!!!! Nobody wants to become a teacher BY CHOICE" ....Very sad but that's the truth.....!!! The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided ...

We all have read marriage invitations. Some are plain short simple. Some are formal and then there are the rest of them. I came across one such invitation which caught my eye, it impressed me so much that I personally met the person who sent the invitation (of course to congratulate him on the occasion). Go through the same and leave your comment behind. I am moving over the dark side on 21st of April 2014. A lot of people have attempted to do the same in the hope of finding bliss and have gone down in the effort. It's not easy to take the plunge with the stories of those who have attempted and failed , in the back of your mind, however , I am still biting the bullet. My Experienced Seniors as well as newly married friends have given me full faith that not all is wrong with the dark side. Good things can still be expected out of it. If you all married friends still got any advice left to give me, now is the time to do so. :-) For all the unmarried ones.... I'll keep yo...

Ok So I have seen many a couple. I used to sort of derive equations from the behaviour instinct the couples exhibited one of them is like "Initially They are Love birds as they love each other then they become  Angry Birds as they start fighting and are angry with each other all time." But well not going into that I  felt being an engineer lets have an equation or that. Well as you all Know I have Already showed an Equation for Salary (Refer Dilberts Salary Theorem from my previous posts). Heres another Equation which defines all couples what so ever with repeated accuracy. Equation Postulate One Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy Donkey = eat + sleep + work Therefore: Human = Donkey + enjoy Therefore: Human-enjoy = Donkey In other words, A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works. Equation Postulate Two Man = eat + sleep + earn money Donkey = eat + sleep Therefore: Man = Donkey + earn money Therefore: Man-earn money = Don...

So My Brother Comes upto me with his Social Sciences Text book (We call it Civics). and started asking me about Governance System in the World. Well Persumably he did know about Democracy, Communism and Dictatorship. So I thought to put up an example and vola I found another post!! Please read it carefully and do leave a comment behind. Please note the following is a mandatory requirement. TWO COWS SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CA...

Hello All, Welcome Back All. Was feeling low some time ago. And again life gave me a message which randomly appeared yet again on FB. The Eight One is My Personal Favorite. Go through the stories and do leave a comment behind. "14 short stories worth reading, feeling and forwarding to all those dear to you.." 1. Fall and Rise Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground. He said, “Believe it or not, that’s almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago . 2. A Father's Advice Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try! You do n’t have to be a professional to build a successful product. Amateurs started Google and Apple. Professionals built the Titanic 3. The Power of Uniqueness. Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his 70’s – what his top 3 tips are for success. He smiled and said, “Read something no one else is reading, thin...

Life gives you many direct and indirect messages. Once while I was in such situation I happened to stumble across this post on Facebook. Though this is old, yet its meaningful and worth a thought. Mail sent by Narayan Murthy to all Infosys staff: 1-If you are working more than 9 hr then dont need to join Infosys. 2-If you are working on Saturday and Sunday dont join infosys (for IT). 3-Whatever time define in your task complete within time. Fire all people who fall in criteria 1,2,3. It’s half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on… PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing… And who’s at work? Most of them ??? Take a closer look… All or most specimens are ?? Something male species of the human race… Look closer… again all or most of them are bachelors… And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!! Any guesses??? Let’s ask one of them… Here’s what he says… ‘What’s there 2 do after going home…Here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee...

So My last Post on 11 Classic Indianism was great here what I did after that post. Well Preparing for GRE and The Indian Business Language, here's the observation I have made. Hope you find it Funny and Hilarious. Do Leave A Comment Behind. The Difference between Normal Student Speaking English and GRE Student Speaking English. A NORMAL STUDENT: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles. NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim. NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold. GRE STUDENT : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous. NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted. NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rende...

The world of Information Technology (I.T.) Its very lucrative. Big bucks, Technology. It gives you a sense of rush,thrill and achievement if you dedicate your heart to it. But all this isn't a bed of Roses(not that account for the thorns in the Roses.) I.T. is challenging and cut throat. He is a reason why. Well I am a Computer Science Graduate and finally landed a good job. Pertaining to I.T., I found the following mindset being very prevalent amongst people both those who work in the I.T. and Those who take services from I.T. "If it ain't broke ain't fix it." This comes when the I.T. asks for a upgrade. "No Matter What happens the I.T. IS ALWAYS RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING"  So if you stepped in an uuuggghhhhh IT is responsible that. "No Matter what happens I.T. HAS TO GET IT DONE IN MINUTES IF NOT SECONDS." Well it is good to be optimistic about resolving a problem. But this is dangerously optimistic that too with out the consent...

Okay so here is the catch. Five months into my job, tons of email being written and read. I stumbled upon a few Indianisms. Now I am not being Racist but, We are a unique species, aren’t we? Not humans. Indians, I mean. No other race speaks or spells like we do. Understand the following para-phrase. "Do one thing ... take this piece of chalk ..." or nnnaahhh just chuck it. Take greetings for example. A friendly clerk asking me for my name is apt to start a conversation with, “What is your good name?” As if I hold that sort of information close to my heart and only divulge my evil pseudonym. Bizarre. And hence I call these Indianisms. Which got me thinking about a compilation, a greatest hits of the most hilarious Indianisms out there. And here they are. The most common ones, and my favorites among them. 1. 'Passing Out' When you complete your studies at an educational institution, you graduate from that institution. You do not "pass out...

Any Hindi movie song can be related to any situation. I remember the time when I gave presentation for my projects in my college days. Here are a few Hindi Movie Songs that fits aptly to the situation of those which I faced in my college days. I wish I could say these definitions to the invigilator. Any way here's a few for you to enjoy. 1. Local variable Jeena Yahan Marna Yahan, Iske siva Jana kaahan. 2. Global variable Musafir hoon yaaron, na ghar hai na thikana 3. Null pointers Mera jeevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya .. 4. Dangling pointers Maut bhi aati nahi jaan bhi jati nahin. 5. The debugger Jab koi baat bigad jaye Jab koi mushkil pad jaye Tum dena saath mera hamnawaz 6. From VC++ to VB Yeh haseen vaadiyan Yeh khula asmaan Aa gaye hum kahan 7. Untrackable bug -- aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi, awaaz de kahin se 8. Unexpected bug (esp. during presentation to client) Ye kya hua, Kaise hua, Kab hua, Kyon hua 9. And then to the client Jab hua...

Swami Vivekananda once said "Do Not Look Back Always Look Front" . Not that I have regrets in my life, but always wondered How and Why I landed up in Engineering. After much of delibrate thinking. I finally found a manageble hilarious explanation. One Day I met God (In my dreams of course. You see I have a very good rapport with him) He asked me “Son now that you have passed your Tenth tell me what do you want to become in your life?” I, in a very grumpy voice said “I am pretty confused on what I want to become.” He said “Think Over it Son and Tell me.” I thought for a minute and then I said. “I want a Profession which test me to my limits while I am preparing for its Exams. I want a Profession in which I am 24 x 7 busy and don’t get time To Pray, To Play, To attend my own Birthday Party, To go out with friends for a brief period of time. I want a Profession with High Returns. I want a Profession in Which I can Debate with people over what’s right and ...

I always wondered how people actually got exorbitant amount of salary. Not that they are not deserving but whenever asked upon they just say "Work goes around like it should go we don't do anything" well after much of my thinking I finally met Dilbert and he explained me something. I am sharing the Golden Nugget of Wisdom with you. Read It carefully and Do leave a Comment Behind.  :D Dilbert’s “Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives, Sales People, Accountants and especially Liberal Arts Majors.” This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known postulates: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. And As Every Engineer Knows: Power = Work / Time. Since: Knowledge = Power, then Knowledge = Work / Time, and Time = Money, then Knowledge = Work / Money. Solving for Money, we get  Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge appro...

Life is made out of the choices you make. That why they say life is what you make out of it (Not that some one though of making a Pie out of it :P ). But Life rarely gives you a seond chance or should we say makes oppurtunity to knock your door once again after it has gone. Today my dear fellas Life has made destiny and oppurtunity knock my door back only for mre to welcome it with open arms. I am Happy to announce the relaunch of my Blog on this 1st Day of January 2014. The day also happens to be my Grandfather's 75th Birthday. I ask your dear readers to support me in my new venture. Stay tuned for more interesting posts